浅影发表于2009-01-06 03:22
来源： 标签：师奶杀手The Ladykillers
英文剧本: 师奶杀手 The Ladykillers Script
师奶杀手,The Ladykillers
The Ladykillers script
The earth
Is in a blaze
Is in a maze
Of life today
Is strange and odd
What happened
Across the sea
May come
To you and me
Whoa. Come
Let us go back
To God
Go back
- To God - Oh. Come on
Let's go back to God
- Let us go back - Let's go back to God
- Come on - Let's go back to God
- Let us go back - Let's go back to God
- Without my Lord - Let's go back to God
- It's mighty hard - Let's go back to God
- Whoa. Yeah - Let's go back to God
- Wander path. Yeah - Let's go back to God
- Left his mark - Let's go back to God
- Come on. Yes - Let's go back to God
- Let us go back - Let's go back to God
- Go back to God - Come. Let us go back
To God
Uh!
Oh... Afternoon, Mrs. Munson.
Afternoon, Sheriff.
- You know the Funthes boy? - Um...
Mackatee Funthes?
Oh, no, not him. Weemack.
- Mackatee's eldest. - Oh, yeah...
- I don't believe I do. - Well, he's a good boy and all,
but he done gone down to the Costco in Pascagoula and got hisself a blaster.
- What? - And he been playing that music.
- Well, if you want, you know, I could... - Loud!
- Well, I could go talk to him if you... - "Left My Wallet in El Segundo."
- He left his wallet? - Hippity-hop music!
You know, they calls it hippity-hop music,
but it don't make me want to go hippity-hop.
Hm.
And Othar don't like that music neither.
- It's been disturbin' Othar then, has it? - Well, how could it help but do?
"Left My Wallet in El Segundo"!
And, Sheriff, do you know what they call colored folks in them songs?
Have you got any idea?
- No, ma'am, I don't think... - Niggers!
I don't even want to say the word. Now, I won't say it twice,
- I can tell you that. I say it one time... - Yes, ma'am.
...in the course of swearin' down my complaint.
- Yes'm. - Niggers!
Mm-mm-mm!
2000 years after Jesus! 30 years after Martin Luther King!
The age of Montel!
- Mm-mm-mm! - Sweet lord of mercy,
- is that where we at? - Mm-hm.
Weemack down to Pascagoula and gettin' hisself
a big ol' thumpety stereo so he can listen to that trash!
- Sheriff, you got to help that boy. - You want me to help him?
Extend that helpin' hand. Show an interest.
- Well, we're here to help. - Well, God bless you for that.
You don't want to be tried and found wantin'.
- No, ma'am. - No, many, many done
tunkalow parzen, Sheriff. Many, many done tunkalow parzen.
Many what, ma'am?
You been tried and found wantin'! You don't want that writin' on the wall.
Oh, no, ma'am. Don't want that on the wall.
- Feast of Balthazar. - Yeah, that sounds good.
The apostle John said, "Behold, there's a stranger in our midst...
...come to destroy us." - Yes, ma'am.
Come. Let us go back...
... to God go back
- Oh. Come on - Let's go back to God
- Let us go back - Let's go back to God
- Come on - Let's go back to God
- Let us go back - Let's go back to God
- Come on. Yes! - Let's go back to God
- Let us go back - Let's go back
- To God - Go back to God
Do you need somethin' to eat, angel?
Othar, I went and complained about Weemack today.
Don't know if it'll do any good.
That boy hangin' by a thread. Over the pit.
Fiery pit! "Left My Wallet in El Segundo."
Ooh!
67 years of life.
46 years of marriage.
You mean to tell me you never once suffered from piles?
Well, it's the human condition.
Most humans, anyhow.
Like that ballplayer said, "The world's got two kind of folks."
"Them that's got the piles and them that's goin' get 'em."
But you always was healthy as a ox.
Passed on 'fore you could get the piles. Mm-hm.
Ooh, thank the Lord you never was sick.
I just want to pass away nice and peaceful.
Go to sleep one night, wake up in the glory land! Whoo!
Pickles!
- Go fetch Pickles! - Pickles?
Oh, he's up that tree again! You'd better shimmy on up.
Well, I do apologize, madam, but...
won't the feline eventually tire of his lonely perch
and, pining for his master's affection, return on his own initiative?
Uh, the point being, must we actually ascend the tree?
Look, I don't want no doubletalk.
Now, if you not gon' fetch him, I guess I gotta call the police.
- Police? - And they not goin' be happy.
Every time they have to fetch him, they swear they'll never do it no more.
No need to call the authorities, madam.
I did this often as a child.
I was a positive lemur. Here, kitty!
- Oh, don't upset him now! - I wouldn't think of it, madam.
Harmless little Felix domesticus.
Here, Kitty. Come to G.H.
Come, come. Here, kitty. Here, kitty.
Come, come, come. No, no, no.
That's not how Sheriff Wyner do it.
Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Come, come, come.
Come to the professor.
Yes. Y... Ah!
Uh... thank you, madam, for your act of kindness.
- Well, you let him out. - I certainly did,
and for that I apologize no end.
Allow me to present myself, um, formally.
Goldthwait Higginson Dorr, Ph.D.
Like Elmer?
- I beg your pardon, ma'am? - Fudd.
No, no, Ph.D. Is a mark of academic attainment
bestowed, in my case, in recognition of my mastery of the antique languages
of Latin and Greek.
I also hold a number of other advanced degrees, including the baccalaureate
from a school in Paris, France, called the Sorbonne.
Sore bone. Well, that fits.
You ever study at Bob Jones University?
I have not had that privilege.
Oh, that's a Bible school. Only the finest in the country.
- I send 'em $5 every month. - That is very generous...
- I'm on the mailin' list! I'm a Angel. - Are you? Yes.
Oh, they list my name in the newsletter every issue.
- Do they? - Oh, I got the literature right over here,
- if you'd like to examine it... - Perhaps when my head has
recovered from its, uh... uh, buffeting.
Mrs. Munson, are you at all curious
as to why I darkened your door, as the expression would have it,
on this lovely, lovely camellia-scented morn?
Well, I was wonderin' till you let Pickles out.
- I quite understand. - Then in all the excitement...
The fact is, I saw the sign in your window advertising a room to let?
And there are no other such signs among the houses
- on this charming, charming street. - Yeah, I got a room.
$15 a week. I'm lookin' for a quiet tenant.
Madam, you are addressing a man who is quiet
and yet not quiet. If I may offer a riddle.
I am currently on sabbatical from the institution where I teach,
the University of Mississippi at Hattiesburg.
I am takin' a year off to indulge my passion,
and I do not believe that is too strong a word,
- for the music of the Renaissance. - Mm-hm.
I perform in, and have the honor of directing, a period-instrument ensemble
that performs at Renaissance Fairs and other cultural fora
throughout central and southern Mississippi.
We perform on the instruments for which the music was originally composed.
Now, wait a minute. You got some kind of band?
Oh, no. The word "band" would be, in this context, something of a misnomer.
Though we do play together, hence the word "ensemble",
the nature of the music is such that,
well, one would hesitate to apply the epithet "band"
- with connotations of janglin' rhythms. - So y'all ain't playin' no hippity-hop?
"I Left My Wallet in El Segundo". Songs with the titles spelled all funny?
Oh, no, no. We play music that has been composed to the greater glory of God.
Devotional music. Church music.
Gospel music?
Well, inspired by the gospel, certainly.
The vintage, of course, is no more recent than the Rococo.
Rococo, huh? Well, I guess that'd be OK.
But I don't propose to inflict our rehearsals on you.
May I inquire, do you have a root cellar?
Ah... Yes.
Yes, yes.
This looks promising.
A little dank, ain't it?
Indeed. That only improves the acoustics.
Marvelous.
Yes. Ah!
Oh, these earthen walls are ideal for baffling
the higher registers of the, uh... lute or sackbut.
That is why so much music of the cinquecento was played in crypts
and catacombs. This is ideal. This is perfect. This is more than perfect.
- I can scarcely contain my glee. - Oh, you containin' it OK.
You gotta peel this shit out, man. Sometimes it stick to the bottom.
Hey, this shit smells like piles.
You wouldn't even believe this, man. Even out here on the casino floor
you gonna find goddamn mercy pads, Tucks...
I don't know what the people be doin' here while they gamblin'.
Man, I ain't peelin' no funky shit with my human hands.
That ain't nothin' but a prescription for diseases and viruses
- and shit attackin' your in' insides. - Oh, well, shit, you gotta do it,
'cause Mr. Gudge checks everything.
This tunnel leads back onto the land for all the people that work for Mannex.
Mannex Corporation. They own the Bandit Queen, three other boats.
Now, this is where they think on their corporate shit, Gudge and them.
I mean, the light's as ugly as all hell, but, shit, ain't as many Tucks.
- Let me in, motherer! - What's the password?
Kiss my ass!
Now, this is where they count the dough. Now, if you try to take any of it,
Elron over there'll shoot yo' ass. Goddamn!
Dawg, this is a motherin' pigsty, man!
You are a squeakyass, motherin' pig!
Man, look at your ass. You got Cocoa Krispies on your uniform.
Got breakfast there, and you still eatin' goddamn lunch, man.
I swear to God, if that ass was nickels, you'd be a motherin' millionaire.
Spread out, boy. Look at you. You a disgraceful a!
You is a fat motherer, man! I swear...
Hey, Mr. Gudge, uh...
- How you doin' this mornin'? - I'm doin' fine.
- All right. - So, how's the new man?
Oh, shit, he a cleanin' motherer, man.
- Is that a fact? - What's up, my nigga?
Cut! Cut, cut, cut!
Goddamn it, his canteen fell off. Props!
- The goddamn thing's canteen fell off. - OK. We're prepared for that.
Mountain, put Otto into the apparatus.
- What the hell is this? - World War I vintage gas mask.
It's authentic. Strapped on, of course, so it can't fall off.
Now, the animal is free to be as active as he wants.
It doesn't inhibit his movement in any way, and...
...I think it really sells the whole doughboy thing.
- It looks like a ing joke. - Uh, you're absolutely right.
The gas mask is a whimsical concept.
How the hell does it eat when it gets to the Nibbles Ready-to-Eat?
- Well, you're absolutely right. - Don't let the clients see this.
- Or that Humane er. - No, of course not.
They'll just shut the in' spot down, Pancake. They'll shut...
...shut the in' spot down, OK?
Put the goddamn canteen back on the dog. That says he's a soldier!
Dented tin canteen. All right? Strap it to his ing collar!
Easiest thing in the world. I-I just thought...
What?
...but you're right. A canteen's much better. Good concept. Let's go with that.
- What's he doing? - Well, he's, uh...
- Just breathe normally, Otto. - The ing dog can't breathe.
Oh, no, he can breathe. Eh, eh, that thing is...
- Just breathe normally, Otto. - The in' dog can't breathe.
The in' dog cannot breathe!
OK? Get the fu... Get that in' thing off of him.
Of course. Easiest thing in the world.
I don't have my Leatherman. Mountain, give me your Leatherman. Chop, chop!
Chitra! Make sure that Humane er doesn't come over here, OK?
Distract him. He'll shit if he sees this.
There we go. Mountain, have electric run me a stinger.
Don't give up on me, Otto! Mountain, I need two live leads!
Uh, eh, but, Garth, the gennie's a hundred yards away.
Goddamn it. Otto's gonna have irreversible brain damage in about 30 seconds.
Here we go. OK, kiss of life.
Otto is in' dead! What the are you doing?!
Otto is in' dead!
Set! 320! 320! Hut!
Ugh!
L-left. 90-tiger, x-slant. On one. Ready? Break!
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